


Memories

by NotEvenNightshade



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adashi Angst, Basically Adam finding out Shiro's alive, M/M, Shadam, Shadam angst, Shiro (Voltron) Angst, adam has to decide if he still wants to be with him, adashi, huh, my way of coping with shiro being confirmed gay, s7 better deliver, which one is it i still don't know, y'all shiro is GAY I AM SO HAPPY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 18:59:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15443676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenNightshade/pseuds/NotEvenNightshade
Summary: Adam finds out Shiro is alive. Now, he has a choice whether or not to listen to a message from his ex-fiance and forgive him or not.





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Shiro is gay and has a bf so OF COURSE I had to write something about it. Funny enough, I haven't been able to write anything for a whie but Shiro being gay brought me the legendary gay power and suddenly I was cured.

Background sounds were something he was told to focus on when things got too overwhelming.

The click of a keyboard, or the intake of a breath of air, the creaking of a table or the sound of the cadet's distant chatter. Little things- it was said they had the most power when facing a monumental event if you wanted to calm a rising anxiety attack.

Right now, Adam was focusing on the endless answer machine distantly heard in the next room.

Better to focus on that rather than focus on the bomb that had just obliterated his feelings.

“...Adam…? Adam, did you hear what I said?” Said Commander Holt.

The previously missing and assumed dead Commander Holt- who had disappeared and died, alongside his son Matt and, and-

Takashi.

Takashi- who he had given his whole heart to, who they had spent so long together, who he had wanted to pledge his entire life to. His whole energy, his entire being, it was all Takashi. Him and Takashi, unstoppable-

Until the breakup. Until the mission. Until the disease that changed everything.

And when Shiro had left and Adam had watched it on the crappy TV that they kept reminding each other that they needed to fix- when Adam had turned down the invite to see the launch happen, bitter and heartbroken, so reduced to betraying his earlier brash actions of not wanting to see the launch- seeing Takashi step onto the platform, amidst the blinding flash of billions of cameras, see him search through the sea of supporters- Garrison students and others, all there to wish the “Heroic astronauts who will help revolutionize the future of air travel” a safe and successful mission.

Adam remembers seeing the disappointment on Takashi’s face as he realised that Adam wasn’t in the crowd- barely noticeable, and something that no-one else probably even saw. But Adam knew Takashi better than anyone. He saw it- the furrow of eyebrows, the tightening of the smile, from real to pained in a second.

And yet he still put his helmet on. He still walked side by side with the other two soldiers, still waved to the palpitating crowd around him. He still stepped into the ship, and Adam watched as the latch came down, the narrator across the screen walked the viewers through the events, up to the countdown- it briefly panned to the families of the soldiers, a little girl and her mother- of whom Adam had very briefly met at one time. Nice people, with proud smiles plastered across their faces as they vigorously shook their hands to the rocket that had now begun to move, getting ready to shoot up into the air.

It panned to the pilots family, and Adam’s cheeks had burned because he was supposed to be up there with them.

But, of course, he wasn’t a part of the family anymore. Adam had broken it off.

But he was still so, so in love with him.

So, now, almost five years later, he here was, Sam Holt standing in front of him with wife Colleen, Iverson and a hollow silence that settled itself around them, seemingly waiting to be broken by Adam.

Adam didn’t want to break it- didn’t know what to say.

Finally, he mumbled: “Where are they now?”

“We think they’re on their way back to earth- something pretty major happened when I left them last, I’m not completely sure what. Adam,” Sam turned to him, kind eyes that had obviously seen too much, suffered so greatly- and yet apparently Shiro had saved him from most of it- subjected himself to the horrors of the “galra” instead of letting matt or Sam deal with anything. “When I left them, they all had videos- recorded messages to send to loved ones. Shiro-wanted me to give his one to you.”

So Takashi still cared about him even after their fight- after all this time.

Sam dug around in his greying backpack before latching onto and bringing out a small grey/white pencil like object. He reached out to give it to Adam, to which Adam didn’t know how to respond. The entire thing was overwhelming for him.

I mean, they weren’t even technically together- not anymore! Technically, he should have moved on a while ago, maybe even found someone new- go on with his life.

But he didn’t. Couldn’t.

That’s not to say that he hadn’t tried to- Iverson had insisted on therapy at one point (which was all in all extremely awkward, having Iverson offer him a biscuit and tell him that he had to start moving on.) Countless hours had been wasted sifting through endless piles of Takashi’s items that had, overtime, somehow found themselves in Adam’s room. Grief sessions, elephant, even going to Colleen Holt’s house for weekly coffee where they would just...talk about their favourite memories of their loved ones was enough for him.

Until about 6 months since the accident happened, he hadn’t even realised that he had never told anyone he wasn’t technically engaged to Takashi anymore- not because of the accident, but because Adam had broken it off out of anger and fear. And so no-one knew. Therapy sessions that never ended up working because he never told the full truth- friends and family members who had given him all the wrong advice because they didn’t know any better- even Takashi’s family, who he had been lying to for so long now it had become normal. And, in a really selfish way, Adam didn’t correct them. Perhaps this way he could trick his memories, so that somewhere along the line he would forget the fight, the tears, the break-up. He could trick himself into believing they had never broken up, had never asked Takashi how much Adam meant to him, had never neglected the biggest step into his fiance’s career.

And he had almost succeeded! Lying was now certainly a thing that came easy to him- when family or friends would ask how he was doing on a day near to the launch, or their anniversary, or Takashi’s birthday, and he would be forced to relive their last few moments that weren’t full of tender kisses and hopeful smiles, but biting anger and bitter tears- lying, and saying that he knew Takashi loved him, that he was just so thankful for the love they once held, it burned, but it was so much more manageable than it once had been.

But now, back into the present, holding the pencil-like device, confused as to why on earth Takashi would want to talk to him after all this time- after what Adam had done- was much to overwhelming. His heart rate was quickening, his breathing became shallow, he felt himself tearing up- which was a rare thing these days- everything was moving too quickly, and -

“Adam?” Colleen’s soft voice dipped through the anxiety- melting the fear made of ice- warming the sadness built like a vice around him. “I know it’s a lot to process, believe me, I understand. But we’ll be right in the hall outside if you need us- Takashi wanted you to-”

“No he doesn’t”. He choked out. “Takashi couldn’t have wanted to give me something because we broke up a day before the launch.” He met her eyes, ignoring the angry tears spilling from his own as he shook, confused as to why the man he loved, who had left his side, who he had broken up with, was still here, thinking about him, billions of miles away.

And yet, somehow, Colleen didn’t look surprised. She turned to her husband and Adam was painfully reminded of how close they were when they had a silent conversation through eye contact alone, something that Takashi and him would do constantly when teaching the new cadets and one of them (namely James) would attempt to aggravate Keith or another one of the cadets. Colleen and Sam finished whatever they were talking about and turned to Adam.

“Trust me, Adam.” Sam rose out of his seat, as did the other two next to him. “He wants you to see it. When you’re done, we’ll be right outside, if you want to talk about anything.”

Joined by Iverson, Sam and Colleen slowly made their way out of the room, shutting the door behind them, leaving Adam sat, alone, holding the little pencil device.

Making the decision, he rose up of his seat and placed the object onto a hub which, according to Sam, would make the video play. Immediately, a projection flashed up, in a hologram type way that he had seen in Star Wars. The picture blurred for a few seconds, before focusing on-

Woah.

His hair was no longer black, but shock white. He had a large, angry scar across the bridge of his face. His features, so obviously older, not because of age but because of stress- the same tired eyes, filled with so much love, yet so much pain. He, physically, looked ridiculously muscled, a lot more so than when he was with Adam- and even then, he was certainly muscular. He was wearing a sleeveless vest, which showed his defined muscles and- was that a prosthetic arm?

What had happened to him? What horrors had he possibly faced? Things that Sam could barely even think about- how many days had Shiro spent hurt, alone, and worse- convinced Adam didn’t want to be with him? How many days had Shiro- Takashi- the love of his life, been beaten, bruised, tortured, to have learned that scar, or those tired, tired eyes, or the prosthetic arm?

It was Shiro- but it wasn’t.

“Hey.”

Adam finally looked up, met Shiro’s eyes. He could barely think. This couldn’t be happening. He had to have been dreaming.

“I know you have a lot of questions- heck, you’re probably mad at me...I would be too.” He rubbed his arm- his real one-, and continued. “I wanna start by telling you how sorry I am. For...leaving. For not trying to talk with you more. For going on the mission, and allowing the breakup to happen, I guess.  
  
I’m sorry for the crash, for how worried you must have been when the initial news broke out that the Kerberos mission had failed, how guilty you probably felt because you always find a way to blame yourself for things that are out of your hands. I’m sorry Adam.

It’s been long- really, really long. I don’t know if you even lo- if you even want to be with me anymore- hell, you may have already moved on with your life,” he let out a short bitter chuckle, no humour or happiness heard, just soft decibels of resentment, regret, before looking toward for a couple seconds. After a moment or so, he looked up into the lens. “But I couldn’t- I couldn’t carry on without at least telling you how I feel. And I guess what I want to tell you- what I really need you to know- I never stopped loving you.”

Adam hadn’t even noticed the tears silently making their way down his face. All this time- all the therapy sessions that never ended up going anywhere, Colleen and his coffee sessions built upon grief and loss- and her soft-spoken words on how he wasn’t to blame himself- that “Takashi loved you very very much, and knew that you loved him.” which were somehow worsening to his recovery, because did Shiro know how much Adam had loved him?

They had broken up- but that didn’t mean he didn’t love him. At the time, Adam had been so very angry, frustrated, that the man he loved was plagued by the curse of a disease that would only worsen with time- more so by the desire and drive that he had once fallen in love with, which was now encouraging him to go on a mission for an entire year, one that could easily end up worsening Shiro’s state. He was angry, mad, at how Shiro was being reckless and going on a trip that could very well worsen his already dwindling health.

But he never stopped loving him.

So how was he supposed to react when the man he loved, who he thought had died 5 years ago, was in front of him, tearful, so different yet just the same, tell him that he felt the same way, that he loved him as well?

“I’m sorry-” he looked down again. “I’m sorry that we fought. I’ve regretted it every day since then. And I get that you might still be mad at me. That’s understandable. I get that. But if you’re not, well,” he looked up at the lens once more, accept, this time, he didn’t seem as sad as before. “I have so, so much to tell you. I won’t get into it all here, the stories far, far too long, but a couple new friends and I are on our way back- Matt and his sister Katie included- you remember her?  
Oh! And along the way, about a year into this crazy experience, Keith ended up alongside me- with Cadets McClain and Garrett-which I still feel guilty about, but again, I’ll delve into the full story later.”

Immediately he remembered a few years ago when 3 of the cadets disappeared and his heart lurched once again- they were with him as well?

“We’re finally making our way back to earth now- took us long enough, but the final fight is about to happen, and I know when it does, we’ll need all the firepower the Garrison- the earth has to offer.”

They were coming home.

“I guess, to end this, before it gets way too long and Lance yells at me for taking too long-” this part was met with a muffled “hey!” from the back of the recording device, to which Shiro looked over the camera with a sheepish expression and Adam felt a twang in his heart, butterflies in his stomach, bubbles rising up in his chest that he hadn’t felt in so long.

“We’ll get back in about an earth week if everything goes to plan. If it does, and you still...well, if you wanna talk to me, figure this whole thing out, I mean- then, well, I’d love to talk. And it would be- absolutely amazing- if you could help me out. When we get here, we aren’t going to have a lot of time to explain to the cadets what’s going on. But, we’re going to have to use all the power, all the resources that we have, to make this happen. Your mission, if you choose to accept it-” (he smirked, and Adam wanted to kill him because why is he making mission impossible jokes now is not the TIME)-”is to help me, help Voltron, help the earth defend itself against the Galra.”

There was another bit of muffled movement from being the camera, to which Shiro replied with an apologetic shrug. “Okay- I gotta go now. But- but I’ll talk to you soon, okay?- Real soon.”

The transmission ended with a soft smile, and at that moment, he didn’t look like he had seen hell and back, but just the man he had fallen in love in so long ago. The soft smirk, the cheesy jokes, the gentle touch, it was all somehow becoming so familiar once again, even though it had been so, so long since he had even entertained the thought that he could somehow be alive.

They wouldn’t be like things were before for a while. They had to sit down, talk, catch up. They couldn’t just resume everything. But...

He pulled off his glasses, swiping his tears.

He made up his mind.

Rising out of his chair, he strode out of the room and stepped out of the door, where Sam and Colleen were sat in the chairs nailed to the sides of the wall. Immediately when he entered, they stood up, steely expressions plastered across their equally kind features.

Sam spoke up “So what do you think? You want to help us out?”

Adam met their nervous expressions. He took in a deep breath.

“My ex-fiance is on his way back from being dead, apparently with a lot of luggage. Now, I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like I should probably go meet him.” He smirked, pushing his glasses back onto his face properly. “Besides-” he looked over to the two, who had suffered similar terrors he had, who understood the grief, the horror, but the determination.”-We have to protect the earth, don’t we?”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/Kudos really keep me going and encourage me to write more/update more. My tumblr is @klaxces and I would love to mingle with any of you who wanna chat.
> 
> I wrote most of this at 2am but it's the most descriptive thing I've ever written so there's that
> 
> For those asking, my other long fics are being updated soon- it's in the works, I'm sORRY.


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